Friday, August 13, 2010

I can't seem to move on..

I realize I'm not much of a blogger and I've decided to remove most of my old blogs because as I read over them, I know I'm no longer the same person and just wanted to get rid of it.

Anyway, I turned 23 last September 23rd. It hasn't been much of a lucky year for me, apart from recently being and staying single now for 6 months and it feels great.
Its a friday night and its 11:00 pm now. I felt like I needed to write tonight. Get things off my chest.

My dog of almost 14 years passed away in May this year and I just can't get over it.
I get these dreams..or nightmares. I'm not exactly sure of what but I wake up screaming and crying. This happens very often. I feel like I'm on the verge of needing a shrink or something. I can't concentrate.

Tonight after work, I drove my uncle home and he mentioned he wanted to go apple picking soon. I told him I wouldn't be going anymore because it was a tradition my parents started when we got my dog when I was a kid. We would go a weekend before my birthday so it would be kinda like celebrating right before or something and my mom, the paparazzi of the family, would snap a billion pictures every year for this outing. I guess it hit me really bad today and I starting balling.

It's so hard for me to live without him. I've always had a dog in my life and now, nothing. I feel empty and like I'm going kinda crazy.

Does anyone understand how I feel? Is this normal? Am I going insane?
I mean, this sucks to say but my grandfather died a week before my dog did, and I didn't feel this way at all.

One drink was definitely not enough tonight.